GOWNS

I know you've posted abt musicals before. But: my faves are company and sweeney todd (but the john doyle versions). I hate Andrew Lloyd Webber, Mamma Mia, and Next to Normal. I love Sondheim but am really familiar with his work and can't find anything new. Any suggestions?

Anonymous

*bro dap*

have u heard marie christine? feat. audra mcdonald? i was listening to this the other day and i really dug it

here’s some more that i like that you may not have heard/seen maybe

as far as things more like john doyle productions specifically … you could just look up performers singing songs … like when i search youtube for “bernadette peters” and find a bunch of videos of her on a bare stage with the orchestra behind her… since that’s essentially where the power of his productions comes from …!

i want american movie industry to be less like hollywood and more like nollywood where everyone is just having a good time

How do I deal with loving someone who won't open up to you? I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 months and I care deeply for him and I want to be there for him and I want to be able to expose all of myself to him and for him to do the same. I want an open and honest relationship but he says he isn't ready. It's beginning to make me feel drained and unhappy because he can't even tell me what he thinks of our relationship and how he feels about me. What do I do?

Anonymous

:/ i don’t want to suggest anything too drastic but … at the same time … i’m not sure why you’re staying with someone who is making you feel so sad and disconnected

there’s a small distinction: has he *ever* talked about his feelings with you? has he ever talked about his feelings for you? has he ever said anything like “you’re a great girlfriend, i like spending time with you,” etc?

b/c the only way i can see this being a resolvable problem within the relationship is if he *does* communicate with you, but just not as frequently or in the right words for you

b/c then it’s just a matter of each of you figuring out how to actually communicate with each other without a little wall here or a little needling there

otherwise, if it is as you say, that he says he’s not ready to talk about his feelings, then why not break up with him ?

if he’s crazy about you and willing to fight for you he’ll stop you right then and there. “NO I’VE BEEN SUCH A FOOL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH PLEASE DON’T END THIS WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP” or whatever

but if he doesn’t feel it, then he doesn’t feel it, and you get to move on to bigger and better things

and if he does feel it but he’s still clammed up, it’s his loss, and it’s still your gain! why try to force blood from a stone when there are so many others willing to bare their flesh with you? why continue dating a child when there are so many adults out there?

IMHO, anyway

I think you've answered questions about getting out of abusive relationships before, in a way that is hopefully safe for both the abuser and the abused could you link me to one or more of those responses?

Anonymous

hi! i don’t know if i have, actually. i have talked about abusive situations here but have not offered any concrete advice or resources on *how to* get out

the hardest kind to get out of are cohabitating relationships, and/or some kind of situation where the abuser has access to all your stuff

i think a good order of things might be to call a local shelter (or a hotline to find a local shelter) — not just for shelter, which you may or may not need, but also for resources, and/or to have a talk with experienced people. from there, plan your escape, with the help of a friend or family member or shelter worker. keep everything very secret and try to act normal. if you live with your abuser, collect every important thing you can and put it in your purse, backpack, what have you. if you feel a great urgency, you can just leave ASAP without much else, and the people at the shelter (or family or friends) can help you figure out the next steps.

here are some great links that i found just now. if your abuser has access to your computer or phone, look these up in incognito windows. write down any tips that you find useful and keep it very close to you or in a secret place

general info:
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/543
http://womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/safety-planning-for-abusive-situations.html
http://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/972765/how-to-safely-leave-an-abusive-relationship

a lot of comprehensive info here:
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm

for women who live with their partners and kids:
http://www.womenslaw.org/laws_state_type.php?id=13422&state_code=PG

how do you deal with the reality of climate change? it scares me to realize that most of humanity may die out within my lifetime, and i'm afraid of dying too as i live in the california desert and can't afford to leave. i want to help in some way so i'm trying to get involved in local eco programs here but they're only hiring engineers and environmental scientists. i feel paralyzed, i'm trying to plan for my future but i don't know if i will even have a future.

Anonymous

!

if it helps, i don’t think that *most of humanity* will die out in our lifetimes

i think the main thing that’s going to happen is crops and ecosystems are gonna get f*cked up

and unless things change that will mean lower quality of life and probably more people dying due to disease or starvation than there are today

but not most of humanity within our lifetimes :>

i think our grandkids are the ones who will have to fear that

you should keep planning for your future because you definitely have a future! it’s the summertime and i know it’s been hot as balls around here, and i grew up in the inland empire, so i know how those months of nonstop 100+ degrees days are. it feels like the end of days

but it’s not! i mean, that will come eventually

humanity *will* end at some point, but we probably won’t live to see that end

the earth has an expiration date that’s already set, it’s just a question of whether it will all spoil in 100 years or 1,000,000,000 years

which i know doesn’t sound very comforting, but it’s comforting to me, in the sense that, well, everything ends

i really like your impulse to make a change, though! perhaps you could start taking classes in environmental science? even if you don’t pursue an Entire Degree in environmental science, you could take a class or two, if you have the resources for it. i took a class in environmental science in college and it was really cool and informative. or you can check out a bunch of books about it! at the very least, you can be informed, which is important…knowledge can arm us and make us feel better

if that all feels too out of reach, you can start volunteering elsewhere ! anywhere! volunteer work is good for u and good for the community too! really poke around!

something i think about sometimes is the writers of the bible talking about “the end of days”…and the inevitability of death…the book of ecclesiastes & etc. i mean, every time someone talks about the end of the world, the four horsemen of the apocalypse and all that, they’re basically saying, dude, you’re going to die, everyone’s going to die, and even way way way in the future, everything on the planet, and everything in the universe, is going to die. so you guys have to start caring about each other, taking care of each other, being mindful. like, god built some cool stuff but it’s not gonna last forever, none of it.

so forget about the material things and pettiness and sin and just strive for goodness, grace, helping people out

i think that’s what jesus would say

he might also petition lawmakers and corporations to get their act together

i am the NYC anon. i work in fashion, and it's not that what i do can only be done in NYC, but it is much easier to find a job in this industry when you're in the fashion capitol of the world. my rent is 1/3 of my income, as is the ideal, after chipping away the necessities that i also have to pay (high 5-figure student loan debt) it starts feeling excessive. i just feel my time here is up, the bustle and noise and never-ending money spending are no longer exciting, but what if i change my mind?

Anonymous

if you’re tired of it, why not move?

if you want to stay in your industry, why not a different big city? i’m sure you can find fashion connections in chicago or LA, for example, and both of these cities are much more reasonable to live in, financially

if you change your mind, you can always move back…i would think. i mean, i don’t know NYC, i’ve heard it can be incredibly fickle and the people there can be steamrollers (because they’re afraid of being steamrolled over themselves),

but as far as i know, from being friends with older people, you can always leave anything that you’re doing, anywhere, and go anywhere, do anything (especially if you have the means to), and you can always go back to the same thing you were doing before. it can be *hard* but if you’re feeling stressed maybe you could use a break (“break?”) by working somewhere else, a change of scenery, perhaps

maybe even trying to do odd jobs or something else you’re interested in…i’ve been doing acting jobs and babysitting jobs this past year but i’m starting to get editing work again, my skills are still sharp and people are still impressed with my resume (apparently!) !

(sidenote: my rent is…half or more of our income? and after i pay the bills my bank account goes down to zero every month…so your situation isn’t too bad, relatively…but you’re feeling stressed, so my shit doesn’t matter…just relating!)

baeblogge replied to your post: anonymous said:gowns, i love my b…

Hi this happened 2 me in a long term rs. Turns out I wasn’t broken, I was just in an unsatisfying rs. Reflect on why ur w ur bf!! You may love him but it might be a different love than when u 1st started dating…which can mess w ur libido mentally

This is a possibility too!

A time for reflection!

gowns, i love my bf but lost my desire for sex. i WANT to want it, but i just don't want it right now, i feel distant from him but also distant from my entire life and nothing excites me. how do i go back to myself i feel so afraid

Anonymous

Hi bb

Are u on birth control? I have tried a few birth controls and they all fucked my shit up

Like I lost my sex drive, became depressed and detached from everything, my body started doing weird things

I have heard similar stories from friends and people here about BC fucking shit up

When I got off it, it took several months to adjust, but I finally returned to “normal”

If BC is not the issue, then all I can say is, perhaps therapy will give u an answer

Imho, it is very normal / natural for a sex drive to wax and wane, especially as we get older and we’re not nonstop-horny teens anymore. We get a lot of messages that tell us to have sex all the time and that if ur not giving ur partner sex whenever they want it, u are a bad boyfriend/girlfriend/person and u should feel bad

But that’s not the case at all!

Anyway, therapy sounds like a good idea, because u sound depressed / anxious about multiple things, with sex being the tip of it all … I hope u can figure something out …

Most of all, very importantly, please try not to shame yourself for not being into sex right now. It happens to a ton of people, maybe even most people , so don’t believe the messages that say you’re dysfunctional for your feelings

Are you Hispanic or into Spanish?

Anonymous

Lmao yes I’m Latina

i have lived in NYC for four years and i am tired of the struggle and the competition and i am so depressed... but i am older, 27, and scared that it will be hard to get my life back in order if i leave, especially if i leave and decide i want to go back. how do people come to terms with life decisions? it was so much easier to be 23 and just deciding to move out here, but now it's such a difficult decision.

Anonymous

hi, i’m almost 26, and i have lived in hollywood for over a year now

well, i don’t know what NYC is like, or what industry you’re in

but there’s a lot of fresh faces moving to hollywood all the time, and a lot of competition, sure

but i’ve befriended plenty of people over the age of 30 who moved out here to pursue a dream, and they’re just goin, just doing their thing

i think 27 is still very young, no matter what you’re trying to do

i’ve heard that the litmus test for acting is 10 years, like, if you try it with complete dedication for 10 years, you should be getting some kind of gig at the end of 10 years, and if not, then it might be time to reconsider

if it’s anything else, i would think that you would give yourself a much wider window of time

well wait, what am i even rambling about — what do you do? can you only do it in NYC? how much does your apartment / closet / crawlspace cost?

oh no i meant, we've been (distant) coworkers for 4 months but started dating last week! :<

Anonymous

oh haha

i mean, i would have already made a move

but i’m pretty impulsive

if it’s been a week, just feel it out, i guess

you’ve successfully not-boned after the first date … it would seem to me you’re in the clear now

but what do i know, i’m an old matron, i have no idea what dating is like out there. if i’m with a girl and i want to kiss her, i do it. i’m bad. you’ll have to follow your own conscience on this one @__@