GOWNS

How do you deal with misogyny and homophobia? Misogyny especially.

Anonymous

i don’t. i can’t. one simply can’t !

so look beyond the one!

read a lot of books by women + queer ppl, including but not limited to theory. watch a lot of movies made by women + queer ppl, and with your viewings, include (but don’t limit) your lenses informed by theory. seek out all kinds of art made by women + queer ppl, and connect it to everything else.

then go to sleep

and when you wake up seek out more women + queer ppl

i guess my answer is, art and community, respectively / intertwined, offer the only “solutions” that i can see. [note; there are no solutions.] i also suggest sleeping, because that is my go-to bandaid for everything.

1/3 So I've been seeing this guy since the end of my freshman year o' college, and now we're second semester seniors. We've had our ups and downs and junk but I was pretty sure we would be fine parting ways amicably after college, but then I found out over the summer he's planning on moving in with my current roommate, who's been our good friend since freshman year. My current roommate who hooked up with my bf before we went out. I've always been a little uncomfortable with their friendship, my

Anonymous

bf of course says that’s totally unwarranted, but now I’m so beyond uncomfortable.

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no fandoms allowed in the house tho

i’m gonna read lots of  stuff to my kids so they end up like a big nerd like i was. they will ask me, years later, mom, why did you make us weird little people, you made it so hard for us to fit in at school. well, it built character didn’t it, i’ll say. and i’ll sit back really proud because i’ll be retired and they can’t lecture me about shit anymore

here’s an excerpt from the emma goldman speech that i did in a district-wide oratory contest when i was 12:

Anarchism is not a cut-and-dried theory. It is a vital spirit embracing all of life. Therefore I do not address myself only to some particular elements in society: I do not address myself only to the workers. I address myself to the upper classes as well, for indeed they need enlightenment even more than the workers. Life itself teaches the masses, and it is a strict, effective teacher. Unfortunately life does not teach those who consider themselves the socially select, the better educated, the superior. I have always held that every form of information and instruction that helps to widen the mental horizon of men and women is most useful and should be employed. For in the last analysis, the grand adventure—which is liberty, the true inspiration of all idealists, poets and artists—is the only human adventure worth striving and living for.

I do not know how many of you have read Gorki’s marvellous prose-poem called “The Snake and the Falcon.” The snake cannot understand the falcon. “Why don’t you rest here in the dark, in the good slimy moisture?” the snake demands. “Why soar to the heavens? Don’t you know the dangers lurking there, the stress and storm awaiting you there, and the hunter’s gun which will bring you down and destroy your life?” But the falcon paid no heed. It spread its wings and soared through space, its triumphant song resounding through the heavens. One day the falcon was brought down, blood streaming from its heart, and the snake said: “You fool, I warned you, I told you to stay where I am, in the dark, in the good warm moisture, where no one could find you and harm you.” But with its last breath the falcon replied: “I have soared through space, I have scaled dazzling heights, I have beheld the light, I have lived, I have lived!”

i got second place :)

my baby cousin is in 7th grade now and she’s doing an oratory contest. she called me for advice! she wanted to know what to do. she said that they could do poems or speeches or anything else that they’d like to read in front of the school

i thought for a bit and told her that i did an oratory contest at her exact age, actually. i went hm hm hm, because a lot of the stuff that popped into my head wasn’t exactly age-appropriate (like sylvia plath’s morbidity and queer poets), but she is very bright, so i knew i didn’t have to baby her.

i told her to look up gloria anzadula, frank o’hara (i suggested “having a coke with you”) and rainer maria rilke’s “god speaks to each of us.” gloria anzadula reminded me of sandra cisneros, so i asked “have you read the house on mango street yet?” and she said “no, i haven’t!” so i told her to go look up that book.

i called her today to see how it went, and she said she adored them all, especially “having a coke with you,” but she’s going to read a chapter or two from “the house on mango street” after all! she said she only got to skim it today, but she really liked “four skinny trees.” (she’s a very petite latina girl, like i was/am, but she’s also very flaca.)

that was a good phone call!

i am feeling a little demoralized at the number of lady acquaintances (I am also a lady) I have who say shit like "I would not date a black boy" and then turn around and ask my (kind of awesome) dark skinned self "why are you still single?" in a sad tone of voice. and then they tell me they don't know any men "good enough" for me. the anti-blackness is just everywhere. and educating people is getting to be too much. i have dropped the people I can drop. I just feel down. Thanks for listening.

Anonymous

dang! that really blows. i empathize.

you’re navigating as best you can. don’t forget the power and agency of your navigation

and i agree, you don’t have to be strong or educating people all the time. i think it’s healthy to drop it as often as you feel yourself feeling heavy. always re-evaluate the stuff that you put up with. being surrounded by the things that we’re surrounded by, we have thick calluses, some more than others. you can always stop taking, or holding; you can always leave, or go to sleep, or find new refuges

i don’t know how or if this world will ever change, but i hope at least you’ll find cooler friends

how do you know if youre being dependent on a significant other?

Anonymous

Everything that I found on the first page of Google for the phrase “codependency checklist” was really helpful. Go Google that

I have a lot of checks on those lists actually, except I think I have healthy relationships and have built good boundaries, but I still feel way way too obligated to pleasing, helping, and being of service to people ! And I feel burdened by things that are not my responsibility and/or way out of my control!

Go to the library and read about codependent behaviors and b o u n d a r i e s . You will learn a lot.

If you’re worried or asking yourself this question a lot, then try to do more things on your own and see how that goes

the lunar eclipse has been predicted to be a real gamechanger

i think i’m starting to feel it