GOWNS

kimchibae:

kimchibae:

Kim doesnt need to be in a man’s body for a day to “hit (herself) from the back” because she most likely already has sex as an externalized observer, alienated from her own body, looking at the sex happen from a vantage point, not actively identifying as “I, me, the subject who is having sex” as much as feeling herself to be “it, her, the object of arousal”, getting off on the idea of herself looking sexy and creating desire in the man, who is the active Subject in the scene, and not actually experiencing the desire herself and expressing what we would call “real” or authentic sexuality………………….

but that’s none of my business *Kermit pic*

Source: kimchibae

I spent a few months working regularly part time for a family out on a farm and was assured that during the summer months I would have full time employment. Summer came and my employer dropped a bomb by saying she couldn't pay me $10/hour anymore and that they found other help (probably younger girls that charge less for childcare). She didn't say this on her own, either, I had to ask her when my full time hours were going to start before she bothered to tell me. The thing is, a couple (1/2)

Anonymous

weeks ago I worked a 7 hour shift that I was never compensated for. I brought up the subject twice and that I was willing to drive out to the farm and retrieve my payment, but she has been ignoring me. There was an incident that I think set this entire thing in motion and I think she is holding some sort of grudge against me for it. I would just leave it alone, but I am out of work and out money. Do I let it go so we can remain (kind of??)cordial or push her on it?(2/2)

hello, this was sent to me about 3 weeks ago, so i wonder if the issue has resolved itself

$70 might be a lot to you right now but this lady sounds really resistant to dealing with you further, so i don’t know what tactics could even be used to push to get your money … i feel like demanding, cajoling, threatening, etc, would all not get you very far, and to drive out to their house is putting yourself at a risk

i personally would let it go, and even if it’s not fair, all ya can do is hope that that missing $70 will end up in your bank account somewhere down the line through a different means. and think of it this way — in the time that you could spend trying to have a face-off with this lady you could come up with some business cards or fliers for your childcare services, u know

You're really good at giving advice. How do you get over people telling you that you're not good enough? Teachers and other students have been telling me that I'm not good enough in every way since elementary school(I'm Black and a Woman so you can guess why ). Every time I face a new task I can't help but think about them and proving them wrong, but that stresses me out so much I end up not doing well and thinking that they were right. It's a painful cycle that I don't know how to get out of.

Anonymous

:( i’m truly sorry to hear about this

maybe you can look at the task as a task in itself, and complete it for the mere sake of the task, without thinking about everything else that comes attached to it?

like, the ultimate “fuck you” is indifference, brushing them all of your shoulders as if they were harmless ants, you know? instead of making them all a mass that combine to make a super villain that you’re going to best with every A on an assignment and every positive work assessment

and then, if you don’t do well on something, it’s not because they were right, and it’s not necessarily something to do with you (and it’s definitely not about your inherent worth as a person) — it just has to do with the task at hand

try to find your strengths and weaknesses and assess yourself as honestly as you can. whatever brings you joy, keep doing it. try to leave behind qualifications like “this is something i’m good at” or “not good at,” because if you value yourself as being “good at” something, any obstacle within it can easily become a wall. “whoops, i made a mistake, shit, i’m not good at this at all, am i.”

try to avoid thinking in dichotomies, bad vs good, not good enough vs good enough;

this is all very hard stuff to do and i commend you for taking on the massive task of undoing years of restraints that other people have put on you. something that can help a lot is going to the library and checking out books by women of color — not just great writers like maya angelou, or great theorists like audre lorde, but also books of art that include Black photographers, Black painters, movies by Black filmmakers; autobiographies; accounts of Black / lady / Black lady scientists and academics ! keep reading until your mind is filled with a whole stadium of people who are on your side! the voices of these wise people will slowly start to drown out all the negative messages that you’ve received.

the negativity will still pop up sometimes, because it will still be there; you can’t erase your experiences. but with enough of your own efforts, and reading about all the others who have come before you, and who are side-by-side with you, you can turn those “not good enough” messages down to the lowest of background hums. the most inconsequential white noise. it will then reveal itself to be what they were all along: nothing at all! while you, you contain multitudes! 

how do i tell my boyfriend i've been faking orgasm for the 6 months we've been having sex? i've never had an orgasm with a partner (i've had two) and faked every time. usually before we have intercourse, i cum by masturbating as he kisses and touches my body. but i can feel during sex i'm about the get so close as them he cums and i fake that i'm cumming with him. i also don't know if im getting the right sensation? like a lot of the time it feels like im gonna pee even though i peed before sex?

Anonymous

hi there

so … i guess …. here’s the thing …..

i guess i think of & engage in sex in a queer way, or at least, a way that does not prioritize The Orgasm as the end goal

i kind of think of sex like…

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Today some of your advice prompted me to shut down a toxic friendship. I do not need this person constantly bringing me down. Thanks for that. I hope you are having a splendid trip!

Anonymous

i did have a splendid trip! thank you! this is good to hear!

whatre some of ur favorite songs? that instantly brighten ya mood?

Anonymous

something that brightens my mood instantly is any jazz song with vibraphone or xylophone :D

if you want, you could see my wedding playlist

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