GOWNS

Digital Cameras are the Worst Thing in the World ( NEW SUITABLE FOR PRINTING EDITION!!!)

tetradugenica:

officialpaulinarubiodragqueen:

tetradugenica:

i look so bad in this photo at the beach
i just want to kill myself
like how can a photo be so different than the mirror

this is so stupid but i feel like all the progress i’ve made in the last year has just been washed away

theres no hope for anyone anywhere

ive thought the same things over and over i even tried getting my friends to pay more money in the long run to invest in disposable cameras they almost always looked great and there was no work involved but we’re poor for the most part and at the core most people get hidden satisfaction from seeing other fall at the hands of camera technology 

Ugly Digital Photos Make Me Suicidal

It’s easy to tell a crying friend how looks aren’t really important, how they’re beautiful, how media is full of

endless attempts to make us hate our looks so we’ll buy new products and services.

Even our children are affected

But when you’re confronted with  a vacation photo where you’ve become a creature with slitted snake eyes, bleached corpse skin, caldera pores, and withered crunchy drought grass hair, all piled on a non euclidean fat skinny body,

it’s much harder to deny that scream of “NOBODY WILL EVER LOVE ME” bouncing inside your head.

It’s easy to talk about how looks  don’t matter, but we are bombarded with the message that they are, not only important, but the only thing anyone cares about.

Posing is important in any medium

Let’s reach some base truths

Digital Cameras make the beautiful, the perfect, the pretty, the average, the ugly, and the truly monstrous into equals. Each is made equally inhuman and sick.  This is because of the autistic way they work with light, shadow, and color.

High resolution and autofocus on random unflattering parts of the face do their part,

too.

simulation of digital camera’s idea of a perfect circle

Digital cameras stretch you out, focus on random parts of the body and flatten your face. So if you have a strong bone structure, high cheek bones, an interesting jaw, etc, digital cameras willl reduce you to something like a grotesque celtic stone carving on a wobbly rotten potato.  

This is sort of a constant of being filmed. notice how small and flat faced actors are, they’re practically mutants.

If you’ve ever seen a ‘candid’ photo of a fashion model done with a digital camera by an amateur, chances are that a beautiful weird alien has become an ugly tall gawky average whatever.

hmmm

thank you to officialpaulinarubiodragqueen for this explanation:

Digital cameras have a more direct light source, while it looks like it covers a larger area the actual camera and lens focuses on specific details because that’s what its designed to do, present a sharp image. Film is more broad

In its flash, which is a good thing because   There are countless lighting patterns for facial structures. There are four main patterns, really it’s a mix and match situation with light sources. Rembrandt, loop, paramount, and split. Along with these theres face angles, the main ones being mug, profile, ¾ and 7/8

Along with this, theres broad and short lighting, which depends on how you actually light face (broad being the light spilling across the cheek with a larger surface area in the picture than the other and vice versa) 

Generally, the best outcome for facial structures is when the light is coming from above, its hollows the cheek bones and defines the jaw, giving that revered sculpted look.

Why do polaroids and cheap 35 mm cameras render faces in the ways we see them?

Because of a much more organic way of dealing with colors and light. the low resolution prevents random overfocusing on pores or on the forehead. And

these join together for a  just, honorable  presentation of the human face. A presentation much closer to the way

humans see them.  The key is something called highlights. Film overloads gracefully when the images get too light

or become  washed out. This is basically how our work, and digital does the exact opposite.

Before /  After

Digital’s weak point is that highlights abruptly clip and look horrible as soon as anything hits white. Unlike film

there is no gradual overload to white. Digital cameras’ characteristic curve heads straight to 255 white and just

crashes into the wall. it’s the same with video versus motion picture film. If any broad area like a forehead is

overexposed your image looks like crap on digital. This effect is similar on cheap pocket cameras, my expensive

Nikon D200 and $250,000 professional digital cinema cameras.

The subtle beauty of digital photography

A smaller reason is that film, especially larger format film used in landscape photography, has more resolution.

This becomes important as print size increases to wall size but invisible in 5 x 7” prints.

I’ve had  a long conversation with a goat owner about all the changes in personal presentation, solely based on digital photography’s huge influence as people come to represent themselves through digital photos on social networking sites.

Tight, not well tailored, but simply clingy tight, straightened metallic hair, thick foundation, tanning, teeth whitening, all brought on by the shift to digital cameras for self presentation on myspace thenfacebook.

All of these changes are tailored to make up for the hideous ways digital camera misrepresent the human form. They are mostly ugly in real life.

It’s impossible not to get upset when you see a photo that makes you look like an ugly monster. 

 

Were you ever young?

It doesn’t matter what people say, it seems real. You must be that monster if it’s staring at you from the photo.

But remember that it is not you, it’s a disgusting machine trick whose genesis is its jealousy over the organic creativity and joy of the living being.

it can only copy, twist, degrade, and fool.

These men will help you

Now go,

find a digital camera and smash it!

Let it feel the fury of a human wronged! Never tolerate a digital camera!

A missile I created that seeks and destroys those who impugn the human face

You are beautiful, it is a hideous  machine! 

All digital cameras  are enemies  of humanity! Buy a cheap 35 mm or learn about lighting, have a healthy snack and call your friends, you’ve been born into an amazing new age! A post digital age, where humanity reasserts itself on the world!

Rebuilding after the war against wicked imaging

Thank you for the 2 paragraphs about lighting & moral support to officialpaulinadragqueen.tumblr.com  and for the paragraph about highlights to kenrockwell.com

And thank you all for your encouragement. Please print this and put it on your wall, and never be saddened or  be forced to contemplate suicide when your horrible hateful mother emails you photos of yourself at the beach. Even though tons of people complimented you and you looked wonderful, a digital camera almost ruined your life. 

this is the best post i’ve seen in a long time and i’m going to reblog it in its entirity

everyone thank noke

thank you noke ⨀⏑⨀